Patricia Matsuda and Joey Matsuda
Overview
Patricia “Pattie” Matsuda and Joey Matsuda were siblings. Pattie, born November 3, 1982, was nearly five years older than Joey, born June 20, 1987. He admired her athleticism, courage, and willingness to act, followed her in physical play, and tried to copy feats that exceeded his own coordination. Pattie valued his admiration while worrying that he would be hurt trying to keep up. Their bond continued through Cody’s 1995 suicide attempt and Pattie’s difficult pregnancy in 1998, when Joey’s fear for her safety gave his protective feelings a different form.
Origins
Joey was born when Pattie was four years old, making him the youngest of four Matsuda siblings. His earliest memories included Pattie’s loud, physical play and her frequent trouble with adults. While Susie offered comfort and Cody engaged him intellectually, Pattie brought him into games centered on movement. She climbed high trees, jumped from roofs, and fought; Joey saw daring where adults saw danger and impulsivity.
Joey’s admiration intensified as he grew old enough to follow Pattie around. Watching her scale fences and jump from playground structures made him want to try the same things. Ellen and Greg stayed alert to the difference in the siblings’ experience and coordination, intervening before Joey could injure himself trying to match her stunts.
Pattie was proud that Joey thought she was cool. His approval mattered when adults told her she was “too much” or needed to “calm down.” She also recognized that he could be badly hurt trying to imitate her and sometimes warned him, “No, Joey, you’re too little for that.” Her ADHD and impulsivity could keep her from noticing an attempt until Ellen or Greg intervened.
Dynamics and Communication
Joey asked Pattie direct questions about her actions: “Why do you punch people?”, “Can I climb that tree too?”, and “Are you in trouble again?” His questions reflected curiosity rather than accusation. He accepted her as his older sister even when adults criticized her behavior.
Pattie spoke more gently to Joey than to most people, though her voice remained loud even when she was trying to reassure him. She gave concrete reasons for a limit, as in “You can’t climb that tree because you’ll fall and break your arm.” Her protectiveness often appeared in practical warnings before she could explain it more fully.
The siblings reacted differently to Cody’s suicide attempt in spring 1995. Seven-year-old Joey asked what suicide meant and whether Cody would die; he cried and sought Susie’s comfort. Twelve-year-old Pattie punched a wall and fought people who spoke cruelly about Cody. Both responses arose from fear for their brother, although Joey did not fully understand Pattie’s violence.
During Pattie’s 1998 pregnancy, eleven-year-old Joey watched her vomit repeatedly and struggle with pain and fatigue. He asked, “Is the baby okay?”, “Is Pattie okay?”, and “Why is she so tired?” After she came home almost too exhausted to walk from the October Backstreet Boys concert, he stood at the top of the stairs holding his GameBoy and asked, “What’s wrong with Pattie?” He wanted to confirm that she was breathing and asked to sleep in his parents’ room: “What if something happens to Pattie while she’s sleeping?”
Family Values and Different Forms of Protection
Pattie and Joey grew up in a mixed-race Japanese American and white family in which direct communication, disability advocacy, loyalty, and practical help were familiar. Their different ages and neurodivergent traits gave those values different forms. Pattie’s protective responses were often immediate and physical; Joey later used direct argument and legal advocacy.
Joey admired the immediacy of Pattie’s actions. Greg’s methodical analysis, Ellen’s evidence-based advocacy, and Cody’s academic ability were also part of their household, but Pattie’s physical courage was especially visible to a younger brother who did not yet recognize the difficulties behind it. Joey was active and affectionate himself; his admiration did not mean he lacked courage. As an adult, he brought his own directness, pattern recognition, and willingness to challenge weak arguments into disability-rights law.
Pattie fought children who bullied Cody and challenged others who threatened the family. Joey watched her respond to Cody’s crisis by punching a wall. Her actions taught him how fiercely she loved their brother, even as he later found methods other than physical violence to defend people. The Matsuda family rejected “that’s just how things are” as a sufficient answer to injustice. Joey encountered that principle through Pattie’s conduct as well as Ellen’s advocacy and Greg’s research; in adulthood, his direct, evidence-based legal work gave it a different expression.
Pattie’s difficult pregnancy renewed the fear of losing a sibling that Joey had experienced after Cody’s attempt. His need to watch Pattie breathe and sleep near his parents followed that earlier crisis. Greg stood with him while he checked her breathing, and Ellen allowed him to sleep on their bedroom floor. They answered his need for observable reassurance without dismissing his fear. Their response also reflected the family’s familiarity with direct questions and concrete explanations.
Shared History and Milestones
During his early childhood, Joey joined Pattie’s physical games and admired her climbing and jumping. He thought she was brave when she got into trouble, without understanding all the difficulties that led to the adults’ responses. Ellen and Greg regularly intervened: “No, Joey, don’t climb that!” and “Joey, stop trying to jump off there!” Joey often experienced those warnings as adults being unnecessarily cautious about something Pattie could do.
During the family meeting after Cody’s spring 1995 suicide attempt, seven-year-old Joey curled against Susie while twelve-year-old Pattie punched a hole in the wall. Joey asked, “What does that mean? Suicide?” Susie explained that Cody had tried to make himself stop living, and Joey asked, “But he’s not dead…Right? He’s still alive?” His questions made clear how frightened and uncertain he was about Cody’s survival.
While Cody was hospitalized, Joey drew their house at the kitchen table with crayons. He labeled six smiling stick figures MOM, DAD, SUSIE, PATTIE, JOEY, and CODY. The drawing kept the whole family together in a way he needed to imagine while Cody was in the hospital. Ellen brought it to Cody’s room and propped it beside his bed.
Pattie fought children at school who spoke cruelly about Cody and reacted angrily to adults who whispered about him. Joey did not fully understand her violence, but he recognized that she was trying to protect their brother. As an adult, he expressed that loyalty through words and law rather than fists.
When Susie left for Stanford in fall 1995, Joey lost the daily presence of a sister who had been a primary source of comfort. He cried, asked when she would return, and begged her not to go. Pattie did not offer comfort in Susie’s manner, but she sat with Joey when he was sad, despite finding stillness difficult, and answered his questions in concrete terms. Her presence did not replace Susie’s; it gave Joey another kind of support.
During Pattie’s 1998 pregnancy, eleven-year-old Joey saw months of severe nausea, vomiting, pain, tears, and exhaustion. She was fifteen and turned sixteen six days after giving birth. He did not understand every part of her pregnancy but recognized that she was hurting and frightened. He asked repeated questions and remained nearby, now trying to protect the sister he had long watched protect others.
After the October 24 Backstreet Boys concert, Pattie returned home at 10:42 p.m. almost too exhausted to walk. Joey appeared at the top of the stairs, holding his GameBoy, and asked, “What’s wrong with Pattie?” Ellen explained that Pattie was tired, but Joey could not accept tiredness alone as reassurance. He asked, “She’s walking. How can she be asleep and walking?” and wanted someone to check her breathing: “Sometimes people stop breathing when they’re really tired.”
Once Pattie was settled in bed, Joey remained in the hallway. Greg and Ellen stood with him at the foot of her bed, watching her chest rise and fall and listening to her steady snoring. Later he asked to sleep in their room, which he had not done for years: “What if something happens to Pattie while she’s sleeping?” They allowed him to sleep on the floor there. His need for reassurance reflected both his love for Pattie and the fear he carried after Cody’s crisis.
Lila was born prematurely by emergency cesarean delivery on October 28, 1998. Joey became an uncle at eleven. His excitement about the baby coexisted with fear from Pattie’s medical crisis; being Uncle Joey gave him a concrete new relationship through which to express the care Pattie had modeled within the family.
Family and Community Context
Outside the household, Joey’s attempts to imitate Pattie were visible alongside her school suspensions and reputation as a “problem child.” He saw her courage where adults often focused on her conduct. Greg was a professor of educational psychology, and Ellen worked in disability-services oversight and advocacy; their work informed the family environment without shielding Pattie from criticism at school.
Within the Matsuda family and its disability-rights network, the siblings’ different ways of communicating and protecting others had context. Pattie’s physical responses and Joey’s direct questions were part of their particular relationship, not interchangeable expressions of a single neurodivergent experience.
At home, Ellen and Greg stayed alert to Joey’s tendency to attempt a stunt soon after Pattie. Their repeated warnings included “Joey, don’t do what Pattie just did,” “Joey, that’s only for older kids,” and “Joey, Pattie has more experience, you’re not ready for that yet.” They explained the difference in age, experience, and coordination rather than relying on a bare prohibition.
Affection and Responsibility
As a child, Joey saw Pattie as an exciting, brave older sister and wanted to be like her. When she was suspended, he thought adults were being unfair. When she fought people who mistreated Cody, he saw her loyalty even though he did not fully understand her violence. He defended her against judgments that she was bad: “Pattie’s not bad! She just gets mad sometimes!”
During crises, Joey’s affection took the form of worry and a need for reassurance. He was frightened and confused during Cody’s hospitalization; during Pattie’s pregnancy, he feared losing her and could not relieve her pain. Staying close and checking her breathing offered him a way to respond when he could not solve what was happening.
Pattie took pride in Joey’s admiration and felt responsible for his safety. Her protective attention, often directed toward Cody, also extended to her younger brother. She could warn him away from dangerous stunts but could not always notice his attempts in time or moderate her own actions before he copied them. That difficulty did not diminish her care for him.
Neurodivergence and Health
Pattie had ADHD and was autistic, though her autism was recognized only in adulthood. Joey self-identified as autistic in his late twenties and did not pursue formal diagnosis; he did not have ADHD. Pattie’s movement and physical impulsivity differed from Joey’s direct speech, literal interpretation, and pattern-focused thinking. Several family members shared traits that made direct questions and concrete rules familiar in the household.
Pattie needed movement and outlets for her energy. Joey enjoyed physical play, but he had not developed her coordination through years of climbing and risk-taking. Ellen and Greg explicitly taught him that Pattie’s ability to do a particular stunt did not make it safe for him to attempt.
During pregnancy, Pattie’s clinicians discontinued her stimulant medication while severe nausea, vomiting, and later complications limited what she could do. Joey had known her as physically capable and fearless; seeing her unable to keep food down or move easily challenged his idea that strength made a person invulnerable. That experience remained part of what he brought to his later disability-rights work.
Changes After the Family Crises
After Cody’s spring 1995 suicide attempt, Joey’s questions and drawing expressed his need to know that Cody was alive and still part of the family. Pattie’s reaction showed him the force of her protective love, even though he later chose ways to defend people that did not involve violence.
Pattie’s October 1998 medical crisis changed how Joey understood her physical vulnerability. Watching her breathe after the concert and asking to sleep near his parents reflected both his fear and his recognition that the sister he admired could also need protection.
Lasting Influence
Pattie’s loyalty and readiness to intervene remained important to Joey’s later work in disability-rights and LGBTQ+ justice law. He retained her refusal to stand by when someone was harmed and expressed it through legal advocacy rather than physical confrontation.
Joey’s admiration gave Pattie a source of acceptance when adults characterized her as “too much” or a problem. He saw the courage and loyalty behind actions others criticized. As she came to understand her own neurodivergence, his longstanding view of her as capable and worthy of love remained a meaningful counterweight to those judgments.